just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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