I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
