I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
