Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
