I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
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That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
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Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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