I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
