On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
