I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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