Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
the day after is always just damage control
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
