We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
