Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
