Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
there is glitter all over my balls
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
