The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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