the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
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