Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
