nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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