I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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