i may or may not be watching the land before time
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Randomize
