Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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