I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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