apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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