how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
