you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
