oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
