My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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