Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
