he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
