Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
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