I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
