I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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