I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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