Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
