mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
