I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I have so many feelings about this burrito
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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