I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
