Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
