Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
