i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
