There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
