I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I can't put those talents on a resume
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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