the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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