No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
