I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
