You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
