I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
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Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
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I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
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