Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize