She is in my trunk
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
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