You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
