Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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