I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
