he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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