I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
