If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
