the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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