man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
