Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
