I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
