Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I wear drunk well.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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