I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
