apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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