my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
