He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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