I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
