in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
