eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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