Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
