So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
