What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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