just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
