i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
