R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
