Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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