i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
