My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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