i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
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