I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
