She is in my trunk
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
