This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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