Who wears a wallet chain?!
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
