you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
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