hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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