I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
