I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
