he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
