I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
