you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Couch. On fire.
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